May 13th, 2009
|11:49 pm - Moved. to Blog|
I'm feeling pretty done with this site. So no new friends please.
January 18th, 2006
|10:26 pm - .|
March 3rd, 2005
Free info for all, companies that do NOT animal test!
February 8th, 2005
|11:36 pm - last night here|
last night at what feels or i guess felt like a home...i'm no longer a resident of this apt..
it should be interesting finding out what its like living totally alone...slightly exciting:p
i will miss certain ppl, having them in my life everyday...thats really the only thing that is making me sad..
oh and tonight is my last night of internet...unless i can get people pc without actually having an active house line(cause i'm bastardly poor)
February 5th, 2005
|11:12 am - FUton?!?|
ANYONE GOT A FUTON/MICROWAVE/TV STAND OR SOMEONE THAT DOES AND WANTS TO GET RID OF IT?!?!?!!?
i lack some very basic, but important things...
February 3rd, 2005
|11:36 am - well|
yeah...i'm absolutely empty(and this is not pity rant, just how i feel so don't comment about it pls)
my entire life, i've always felt outcast and like i'm missing some vital something that everyone in society has that allows them to function...i feel horrible in social situations, like a freak...like paper with nothing written. when i'm around ppl i feel like a translucent shell, something empty not quite seen by the usual eye. i can't think, i can't breathe, i feel disguisting...my flesh isn't real, like i'd feel better if i could just claw it all off. i can sit in silence forever and be perfectly content...not thinking, not feeling, just barely exsisting...
i "feel" things through this strange veil..i can see through it and i know how i SHOULD feel and i remeber what its like to "feel" but i don't..not really, i just reinact the motions..the laughfter..the tears. i do it so i can pretend to be real. i try to explain this to ppl who seem hurt by my coldness and general indifference but they can't seem to understand..though they say they do. if they did though, they wouldn't make me explain. things don't feel the same to me..
ppl don't look the same to me, i can admire the beauty in raw pain..but for the most part, i go out and i see ppl driving, talking on cell phones, shopping with their friends, buying 600$ gloves that look like the came from k-mart and getting a sick feeling inside...i'm not saying i'm any better than these ppl by any means, but i just feel disguisted. i see death and fear in their faces...i smell it through their mass produced and bottled scents...i see them huddle together like small animals, chatter, laugh loudly and pretend they have no cares..
as a group i am outcast but as an individual i know i am part of them.
do i really feel less or am i just more aware of my apathy and self loathing than others...
January 19th, 2005
|03:14 pm - surprise|
godchirst what normally takes 10-15 getting from work at triangle took me 1.40hrs today!
where the fuck did the snow come from?!?!!
..i'm so UNaware of everything..
but at least i don't have to work at crabtree tonight cause that mall closed, thus i nap!
..really worries me though about anthony, the assholes at the hut MADE him come in and i know how bad the roads were earlier, i can only imagine how they will be tonight:/
i really worry about him...
January 16th, 2005
|08:11 pm - ...|
people can try to forgive, but forgetting is an entirely differnt thing
especially when you are reminded of it everday of your life
especially when you are blatantly excluded from any activiy that might help forget for a moment
especially when you are in constant pain
expecially when no one really cares
January 9th, 2005
|12:45 am - new pains|
...so much clutter, confusion, anger, pain
January 2nd, 2005
|03:32 pm - looking|
omg...rent everywhere i have looked into is RIDICULOUS!
i need some damn place to move AND i need to find someone to take my place here, renting out a corner/couch or something so anthony(and tammy if she stays) can still afford to live here......
Current Mood: frustrated